Navigating the Transition to Graduate School: Hopes and Anxieties
By Barry Henaku
Barry Henaku
My name is Barry Henaku and I am a recent graduate of Washington University in St. Louis and an incoming graduate student in mathematics at the University of Michigan. Although the transition to graduate school presents a unique opportunity to reflect on one’s future aspirations and past mistakes, it may induce feelings of anxiety, excitement, and uncertainty (perhaps all simultaneously). It is not my place to offer advice since there already exist many resources by more established mathematicians1 than me. However, I can offer my own experiences and anxieties as I enter my first year. My hope is that my transparency will make it evident that such doubts are most common and others in a similar position may find solace that they are not the only ones encountering such conflicting emotions.
As an undergraduate, I found myself loading up on an absurd amount of math courses. During my junior year, I averaged four or five math courses per semester, but I would have been much better served only taking two of them. To me, at the time, it seemed like they were a means to get into graduate school, but as you could expect, my mastery suffered in all of them. This brings me to my larger point. It can be easy to fall into check-point based thinking in mathematics and as a matter of fact, I did fall in. In the academic path leading to, and following graduate school, there are many checkpoints: get into a program, complete required coursework, pass your qualifying exams, write your dissertation, find a job, etc. If you focus too locally, it can be easy to lose sight of the larger goal at hand. The issue with check-point based thinking is that there are many ways to reach the same checkpoint, but not all of these ways are equal.
Although I did well in all the courses that I took that semester, my ultimate goal was to develop better mastery of the material, and in that sense I fell short by far. In addition to this, activities that fall outside natural checkpoints may take a hit. For example, you may not need to attend that seminar or department tea, but each of these is important in their own right. As I enter graduate school, I want to be conscientious of how I am reaching my checkpoints and developing a balanced schedule. Some ways I plan to do this are: taking fewer courses, trying to develop deeper connections between coursework, reflecting regularly on my progress, and setting meaningful goals outside of the standard checkpoints.
As an undergraduate, my perception is that programs tend to be focused on developing research acumen, but may neglect other important aspects of mathematics. For example, although graduate students teach most semesters, at many institutions (including my own) teaching orientation is only a week or two. In addition to this, often there are no required courses/workshops on pedagogy. Recent trends show a growing acceptance of diverse routes beyond the traditional research-focused trajectory such as teaching focused positions or industry. A well-balanced schedule allows for exploration beyond the prescribed research path. Personally, I’d like to become more engaged and involved with communities behind the National Association of Mathematics (NAM) and CAARMS. It’s my hope that graduate school will allow me to discover what ways I fit into the mathematics community.
Personally, I feel excited to enter the next stage of my academic career and begin to contribute to mathematics, but a huge fear of mine is still whether I can cut it. Although I recognize this as a case of imposter syndrome, diagnosis and remediation are not equal. I was admitted to my program as part of a special DEI initiative and a part of me wonders if I would have got in without the program. An unfortunate reality of being in any underrepresented group is that I will always wonder whether my achievements got me where I am or my underrepresented status. This leads me to concerns about whether I can handle the rigor of the program and the stretch of demanding work that lies ahead of me. However, I try to keep in mind some advice that a mentor of mine once gave me: as a mathematician, one has to be humble enough to know what you don’t know, vulnerable enough to seek advice from others, and confident enough to challenge tough problems.
This leads me to some aspects of the program that I am excited about. My department seems to be extremely supportive. When I was making my original list of schools to apply for, multiple professors from my undergraduate institution singled out Michigan as a friendly place. So far, I have found nothing but truth in this statement. Before I even stepped onto the campus, I had been assigned two peer mentors who reached out to me and offered to provide advice. In addition, I had the opportunity to participate in a program at Michigan called the Midwestern Research Experience for Graduates (MREG). The fourth and fifth-year students running the program have been delightful to chat with about navigating the program and life in Ann Arbor. I recognize that any of the fears I’ve spoken about are not unique to the institution, but personal issues likely associated with transitioning to a new place. In spite of this, I am excited to join the department and the community that’s been cultivated.
1 If you do seek advice, the following is an excellent collection: https://marktomforde.com/academic/gradstudents/gradstudents.html
Barry Henaku is an incoming graduate student at the University of Michigan. He hopes to become a professor and help mentor students from underrepresented communities.