By Inés Chung-Halpern

My name is Inés Chung-Halpern, a 4th year undergraduate at Yale University. I have been applying to Math PhD programs, in a process probably common to almost every reader of this blog. However, I write this with the naivety of one only partially through the ordeal. With the entry into my final year comes the existential crisis of leaving a place I have only just settled into. I have spent the semester coming to terms with what it means to leave a place I have become so comfortable and think about what I want for myself in these next steps. I wanted to share some of my reflections on the process so far, and some of the worries and hopes I have as I move through this.

Perhaps one of the most daunting parts to the application process I found thus far was that of picking the programs to which I would apply. I found myself constantly questioning decisions, and the list I had formed for myself, too many? Too few? Were my choices delusional? Or not ambitious enough?  As I scrolled through endless websites and calls for applications advertising programs, I found the idea of breadth and focus often coming up in my head. As someone who was raised in the UK, where the educational system prides itself on producing focused individuals with clear direction,  I often found myself intimidated by the restriction of having to choose so fast at such a young age. The breadth and the well-roundedness of the US educational system was one of the main things that drew me to study here. Indeed, I might not have had the opportunity to pursue my interest in algebra and geometry had I stuck with my original plan of pursuing computer science; I decided to make the switch to mathematics when I realized I was much more fascinated by the foundational machinery behind machine learning and neural networks. I will always be grateful for the chances I have had to explore any area that interested me. One thing I have been especially grateful for, that played an instrumental role in my decision to pursue mathematics, was the opportunity to ‘audit around’. I was initially intimidated by the idea of sitting in a class, on a topic I knew nothing about, filled with students at a totally different stage in their lives. It felt almost intrusive to be inserting myself into such an unfamiliar space. Sitting in these classes, I soon realized that the anonymity of the material and myself meant that I had nothing to prove. I was there solely for myself and my own interest. Once I came to that conclusion, I found myself freed to enjoy the ride, and it proved an important playground for me to explore where my interests lay.

Department culture has been on my mind a lot for the past few years. As one of two female math majors in my graduating class, the work against feelings of isolation and intimidation are constant. I have reached a comfortable equilibrium in my current cohort, where I feel I have a secure place amongst my peers and have built relationships with thembased on mutual respect and friendship. However, I will always remember the times when I walked into a room to see no one who looks or dresses like me, to finally realize that I did not need to justify my presence among my peers for any reason other than the  passion for this subject that we share. From these experiences, shared by most women in the math community, I found myself particularly on guard, and found myself falling into the habit of speculation from rumors and horror stories I had heard passed around. I received a piece of advice from a friend of mine, when I expressed these worries, that I have tried to keep with me as I go through this process. They said that the cohort of graduate students in any program is so small that the culture and climate of any class is almost entirely dependent on those who make up its ranks, subject to so much change from year to year. I was reminded that I will make up such a larger fraction of my class than before, which will allow us as students more power to drive the change we want in the culture of our department.  As I move forward through this process, despite the stresses and anxiety of not knowing what lies ahead for me in the next year, I remain hopeful that whatever happens I will work to create a nurturing and inclusive environment around myself.

Inés is a 4th year undergraduate in the Math major at Yale University. She is passionate about increasing accessibility to math, especially to underrepresented ethnic and gender minorities. She loves algebraic geometry and her dog.